Every visit to see mum relaxed and happy in her wonderful care home, Greenacres, was a pleasure. The very last pic I put at the head of the last post, of her being wheeled by cousin Diana and her husband Lee to the YouTube Christmas concert I held in the conservatory. Here she is with them just before that, decked out in the Xmas jumper brought along by DiDi (you might also just make out the Winchester Bible enamel brooch I bought her, about which she very genuinely enthused - never one to fake it).
The two loveliest of carers, Myrna and Krishna, happened to be working on Xmas Day, and Myrna made the WhatsApp connection possible so that Mum got to see the view from Sophie's balcony in Siena
and also to say hello to our hostess, here looking pleased with the Mali crib I found her in a Bologna cloister charity sale.
It was a good day between chest infections: her voice was bright and strong, and as always she was fully responsive to everything even if she'd forgotten where we were. I'm happy for that, and no regrets other than that I wasn't with her right at the end. It was exactly a year ago that I sat beside her bed in Epsom Hospital when she was suffering from an infection and delirious, not expected to last the night, and found how miraculously her ravings were completely stilled by the Mozart slow movements I played her. She pulled through then, came back to herself after a month in hospital - the change the minute she got back to Greenacares was astonishing - and got to celebrate her 93rd birthday in style, with all her Banstead friends plus my 'sisters', goddaughter Sara with daughter Hanna and grandson Lenny, and cousin Diana with Lee.
Around Easter there was another blip which brought me back from Ireland earlier, only to find her sitting up and doting on the ducklings which receptionist Sarah had hatched and brought around. After that she got ever livelier, her memory actually improving, until nearly the very end. I'm profoundly grateful for the love and care shown by her carers, especially Krishna, Franco, Myrna and Sarah. Here's Myrna with her last month.
This is a quiet time while the coroner signs off, I get the death certificate and the funeral arrangements can go ahead - no point me returning from Dublin until early next week. We'll give her a grand send off, I know, and celebrate a life well lived. More on that anon.
Posts
17 comments:
My condolences for your loss. But it was a blessed old age for your mum.
Thanks - no regrets. And the one fear, that she would spend the last months suffering or unhappy, is now dispelled.
Thank you for this meaningful article that touches so many- deepest condolences on your loss.
And thank you, Beth, for commenting. We all, surely, have experiences like this. I know how hard it can be - how dementia can erode the good for a while - so I'm very, very lucky.
Juliette here: Dearest David, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. How lucky your Ma was to have had you as a devoted and talented son and to have departed after a long life with little suffering. I think the last time I saw her looking sprightly and bonny was at your wedding. Thinking of you. Much love.
Feel privileged to have 'met' your smiling mother on Christmas Day- her end was a good one, and I am glad for her and for you! xxx
Thank you for all the love you shared in Banstead, Pat. Now may you Rest in Peace and Rise in Glory to the singing of the Heavenly Host. Love Donna x
Beautiful photos, David, of a very special lady. So hard to lose your mamma, but so much to be grateful for. Sending love and hugs.
Dearest David, I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. You’ve been the most doting son. She looked so beautiful and happy and it’s lovely to hear of the great care she got there. Mind yourself and see you soon xxx Gwendolen and David
Very happy photos together.deepest sympathy on your great loss joe Brennan
Thank you all. I did a lot of my grieving this time last year, when I really thought she was going to die in hospital and found the circumstances so distressing. That she had nearly a year of happy time after that back at Greenacres makes me happy.
At a time when almost all the care stories are of horrors, your loving and touching account of your mother's last year, and the lovely photographs, bring joy to any reader
What a gorgeous collection of photos - no doubt there of how happy she was and well cared-for, and surrounded by people who loved her.
Thanks. Several of us have booked our places there for the future! Remember the name Anchor - it's a not for profit company and Greenacres has offered exemplary care.
Dear David, Good to know that your Mother enjoyed her time at Greenacres and that she passed away peacefully and with good care. You have looked after her so well and you have so many happy memories to treasure. It's good that you did so much grieving last year; this time it seems that she was ready to go. Lots of love, Juliet
Thank you, dear Juliet. Although she might as before have gone back to her brilliant Greenacres self, the alternative of an unhappy lingering would have been too awful. I keep saying how lucky I am, and how hard it is for so many others whose parents have long-drawn-out dementia.
Having lost not one but two mothers myself (no Oscar Wilde importance of being earnest quips, please), I know how difficult this separation is. But in similar circs I found it great to go into the deep melancholic beauty of death and what it will reveal in the coming months, after death. There is no greater connexion than that between a person and the mother who bore you, and I think you will feel that stronger than ever now. john graham, edinburgh
Post a Comment